Nuts n’ Puns
So, I tell my lady I don’t carry a wallet because I keep my money in my shoes. I tell her they are my “cashews.” She sighs and then I tell her to check in the pantry. So she does and she sees all these old fruit and vegetable cans filled with my urine* and before she can retch, I tell her, “see, all my “pee-cans.” As she runs from my apartment, nearly in tears, I chase after her, telling her, “baby, baby, please stop…please…” and so she does. I say to her, “baby, you gotta forgive me…you always did know I was…I was little NUTS!”
* in an alternate telling (however, not in any recipes you may have), pecans can be substituted for “piss stash-ios,” but you must affect an Italian accent and probably work in some justification for that accent.
4 months ago