I admit that it’s true:
That half-black girl I have been eyeing, I finally wrote to. I told her that her that her profile is intimidating. She told me: “Your profile is quite intimidating too, you know. I like to consider myself ‘sort of funny’ and my wit froze when I read yours.”
And the best part is that she is right. I’m not the guy to pull bullshit with, because I’ll see it and if I let it go, it’s because you’re pretty.
I’m a bastard, missy. Oh, I’m a bastard. Tonight I felt vindicated, I felt kind of loved in a way. I don’t ask for much, but I felt appreciated. I am getting older, more bitter, less willing to tolerate things. But tonight I felt kind of like I was the best at what I do. And I am. Total strangers seemed to enjoy my company. It’s thanks to you, really. I feel ashamed to want to tell someone, “I am better than you.” But when it’s what you are best at- the only thing you are really good at- what can you say?
God, I wish I could put into words how it feels to be around strangers. But I am the best at what I do. There is no question. I wish I could tell you the steps, the choking back the fear, then the revulsion, and then the beauty when they all laugh. I am the best at what I do. I was scared tonight, but I leave feeling like, that nobody yet can best me. I am always scared about smart people in a way. I am scared about looking like a fool. But I am always a hit. It doesn’t change my outlook, just my present. I always feel like a fraud somehow, but ain’t a gathering yet that could prove it. I have no idea about what I am doing with myself. I am a mess of death wishes- just because it is easier that way- but I know for certain that I am the best at what I do. I can swallow my forced humility and I can say, smirking usually, that I am the best at what I do. I say triumphantly and maybe uselessly that I am the best at what I do. There is something in it: when a girl takes you home, when strangers laugh, that nullifies all the death wishes. It’s arrogance, I know it, but I have earned it. Nobody knows why I am so funny, but I do and I can tell you, had you the choice, you’d rather be unfunny. So, yes, I am the best at what I do.
