December 2009
13 posts
2 tags
improved pledge.txt
Via: Google Translator
“And can the United States and the Republic of Korea and the United States to the media: one nation under God, can not be divided, with two definitions of freedom and loyalty.” English > French > Belarusian > Korean > Catalan > Arabic > English
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It's Just a Goof!
Did you hear about that guy who tried to blow up the plane and just caught his pants on fire? Oh, man, guess the US Army isn’t the only one dredging the bottom for recruits.
Let’s see if you got the balls to use that joke, Mr. Leno.
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Targeted Individual
“I think I know what is causing my ailments,” she said while chugging her fifth beer and stuffing her fist into a bag of half empty potato chips. “This here internet site I’ve been reading the last six hours says government microwaves are harassing me!” “Have you been to bed yet,” has asked her worrisomely “Ha, like I have time to sleep when these...
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Sinful Bumping, Holy Hell
Nail my hands, nail my feet just don’t stop that disco beat Push it harder, push it harder Move that body, dance floor martyr Nail me to that stinking cross You hear me man, I’m the boss through the wrists, through the feet just don’t stop that disco beat sinful bumping, holy hell put me under that disco spell come on feel that wicked heat and move it to that disco beat Come on...
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Miracle on 69th Street
“Miracle on 69th Street?” Yeah, you wanted a Christmas movie and so I got one. It’s the one where they legally declare Santa real or something. “Are you sure this is it? The cover is different.” Oh, well, they probably updated the artwork for the current times. “Oh my god, what is that woman doing to Santa?” Sitting on his lap, I take it. Sure is a lot...
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The Prison Press Conference
In prison, anything can be used as a weapon if you are a particularly resourceful inmate. I once strangled a man with his own intestines. Oh, but that wasn’t the really ingenious part, though. It was what I made the blade out of that cut his belly open like that: obsidian. Where did I get it? A child’s geology set “Science Rocks!”, which, in the hands of some seven year...
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Drink it up
I like tits, I like ass I like whiskey in my glass; on the rocks, a little sass Oh, I like whiskey on tits, on ass.
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“Jesus Christ would not have died with a pistol on his side”
– Carlos Segundo, King of Spain, Avid Gun Enthusiast
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It's beginning to look a lot like X-mas
When I was a child my mother would tell me that snow was the ash from burning angel wings because Satan and his army had marched on heaven and burned it down. I would look up at the sky and catch a flake on my tongue and squeal with delight. I put my tiny fist in the air and shouted, “Hail Satan, Hail the Dark Lord, Hail the Blackness!”